Intense

The first time I ever really looked in your window
It was intense
A wave crashing over me
Pulling me in
I remember every moment
The Happy
The sad
The indifferent
The now
Wishing I had this butterfly effect
Change my past
To fill you into my future
My feelings for you
Like a sentence with a blank space
A, b, or c could be the fill-in
Like that cavity that was never filled-in
I’m still complaining
Because I still don’t have an answer to why it hurts so much?
Hurts as in present-tense
And I feel like I am beating on a dead horse
Dragging unexplained things through the mud
I pride myself for stopping for a whole year
But my strength doesn’t seem to make sense when it comes to you
Like fire fighting water
Who wins?
Trying to make myself hate you?
It didn’t work
Trying to ignore you?
I kept paying attention
Not trying to be your friend
Or your enemy
Where is the balance?
Maybe they’re left with so many unanswered questions